portraits of loss
Earlier this year I started playing around with self portraiture to better understand my experience of loss and accompany the writing I’ve always defaulted to. Words have been my saviour in moments of deep sorrow, to try and give form to grief, but I felt like I needed something more. I was craving something that I could look at and say Yes, that is how I feel. Of course none of the pictures quite manage it. Grief remains untamable. But I felt for a little while at least that there was something to get my teeth into. I wasn't sure about sharing anything because it was a personal experiment, on my grainy webcam in my bedroom, but looking back I wondered if it might be important, even to just one person, to see grief given a face.
// how can we a-r-t-iculate an experience that refuses to be neatly contained _ refuses to be neatly explained // can an outward expression _ever_ replicate the inner most _intimate_ cry of a heart bro-ken // are there words enough _ ever_ to untangle and lay b-a-r-e the visceral longing for a carefree warmth that has dis-appeared _ a longing in our b-l-o-o-d // how can we keep something close when the concept of close has been t-o r-n up // how can we paint a proper goodbye _ full of sorrow _ anger_ joy_ a goodbye etched with l-o v-e //